Everything Ain't Aesthetic

For the record, I am fighting for my life trying to spell aesthetic. Whew! I went back and proofread before publishing only to find that I'd still misspelled the word. At this point, I'm not editing. Y'all know what I'm saying. And this rant alone is indicative of the core of this v/blog.

Welcome to Everything Ain't Aesthetic: Where reality is partially romanticized. 

Since aesthetic is so hard for me to spell, can we just call it EAA? I imagine us all gathering in a room Alcoholics Anonymous style.

Me:"Hi, My name is TJ & Everything ain't aethetic."

Y'all: Hi, TJ!

Me: I have clear drinking glasses in my home like all the girlies on clean Tiktok. Today, I poured a glass of mango juice onto an upside down cup. I watched the orange river flow down my white cabinets and decided that I could do nothing else for the rest of the day. I half cleaned up the juice, breathed through a panic attack and then got in bed because clearly I've failed at life.

Isn't that how our brains work sometimes? We tell ourselves that we have to be perfect at everything and when we're not perfect, we're failures. Social media has tricked our brains into thinking that perfection is easily achievable for everyone that we're watching. However, perfection isn't our personal portion. I know this is cliche, but I'm going to say it anyway. Comparison truly is the thief of joy.

Let me be honest. I want to be Jackie Aina so bad. If Jackie Aina had a long lost, Southern, plus sized cousin that’d be me. Being honest, honest as a (current, yet silent) preacher and a (former) youth pastor, I used to compare myself women preachers such as Sarah Jakes Roberts and Priscilla Shirer. At the end of the day, when I put my bonnet on and rest my head in my orthopedic pillow, I am not Jackie Aina nor am I Sarah Jakes Roberts. However, once I'm older and more seasoned, I pray that I am half as dynamic and poised as Priscilla Shirer.

To be honest, honest, honest, I am finally I’m a place where I love being TJ. I’m living a supernatural, soft life that’s a bit rough around the edges. I love my soft voice and my Southern twang. I love my preaching style and whenever I am able to teach the Word of God again, I will be confident in knowing that whomever I’m called to will receive me as me. I am entering my sneaker era. I've learned how to finesse boho braids when they get tangled and I love that for me!

I love that my life ain’t always aesthetic (spelled it right on the first try this time!). I’m grateful that I do have a semi romanticized life. I appreciate my reality. It has taught me lessons. My reality has raised to be authentic and aesthetic.

I love my body. I’m not an Instagram baddie. I can confidently say ain’t nothing behind me. Squats ain’t squatting like they used to and a BBL ain’t my portion. When I feel good, I over line my lips and throw on lashes to go out (but I gotta be home by 9). I have stubborn cystic acne, Hirsutism (chin hairs, chile) from PCOS and a lower stomach that hangs down low & wobbles to the flo’. It’s taken 36 years to love this flawed skin that I’m in. I have my days where I am twerking in the mirror and other days I'm crying in my closet, but on both days I still find something to love about me. I’m on a journey of self improvement and I am enjoying the process and progress. 

So this is where I'm coming from.. My angle is to write from my perspective of skewed perfection. I live in a beautiful home full of white decor, but I hate cleaning. I drive a foreign car that I absolutely love, but the side panel is falling apart on the driver's side and I'm not pressed to get it repaired. Sometimes I wear a bonnet at night. Sometimes I wake up and it's a jump scare! I'm committed to showing you the real and the romatic in every aspect of my life.

As you read and watch Everything Ain't Aesthetic, you will find written works from me and special guests. You'll see videos of me being very dramatic while doing menial tasks. You'll come along with in my partially aesthetic life and see the real and the romantic. My goal for this v/blog is to give you a rendezvous of reality and romance. Clear containers and clutter. Louis Vuitton and Target. The juxtaposition of a faith that is sometimes wavering while standing on a firm foundation. My life is a depiction of the beautiful truth that goes against the grain of the fabricated curation of social media.

And maybe y’all do live lives that are Instagram worthy, but mine is giving a mix of MySpace, a curated Pinterest board, an episode of Iyanla Fix My Life wrapped in a satisfying Target run and that’s okay, too. 

Welcome to Everything Ain’t Aesthetic where I show a partially romanticized version of my reality. 

I hope you can relate and love it here as much as I do!